Reality check

Well, last night I hit the wall of reality. I realized that for once in my life, I have no huge plans for the future, no change will be occuring, and honestly, it's kind of boring. I've moved every year for the past 5 years basically. There are many things I want like any other 25 year old, but I just can't swing it.

Where I live, I'm not really tied in with a lease. I signed one for a year, but anything after that is wide open. The understanding with my landlord is that I won't be moving until we have to, and there are no plans on J and I moving anytime soon. Moving is an expensive task, and since there's no need, we're not moving.

Living in our 1 bedroom place is getting a bit cramped. I look around and see all this clutter and nothing I can do about it. J has a bunch of guitars and there's no coat closet or garage to store them. Right now, they're leaning against a small shelving/storage unit in the living room. There's also a few amps near them too. I've thought about going through the closet to reorganize and see if I can get more storage out of there. But, that is quite a task and it's Tuesday night and I'm not in the mood. Maybe Saturday, maybe Sunday, maybe next month.

I've realized I'm antsy. I have a few little things I can do to pass the time, but nothing huge. I can work on my scrapbook I have for me and J. Or I can work on this other mini scrapbook/photo album with our friends. But what I really want to do is plan a crazy fun trip. Last year we ventured off to San Francisco and stayed in a random, unfamiliar hotel. We walked around the neighborhood to find a good restaurant. We got lost on the trollies and ended up on the wrong side of town. We met up with some friends, had sushi in downtown, and ventured into a Japanese Kareoke bar (quite the experience...they rent out rooms by the hour!). We found our way to the Full House house. But none of that now.

Rent's too high, bills are too high. I know that this is the part of life that is the learning experience and of course I'd rather be dealing with this now instead of in 10 or 15 years when there's kids and a mortgage involved. It still sucks though.

My whole life has been one struggle after another. My dad left my mom when I was almost 8. He was sleeping with a neighbor. She had never worked a day in her life and all of a sudden her world crashed down. She struggled to figure out what to do for work. She hid her tears from us and always put on a smile. She kept us from knowing things were rough, but we knew.

I got my first job when I was 16. It sucked. I worked in a fast food mexican joint. I quit after 4 weeks. I then went and got a job working in a different fast food joint. This was better. The people were great and it helped pass the time. I went away to college and that was fun. I had to work a lot, and that helped build character, and kept me from drinking my life away.

I transferred back home, went to work in retail and quickly became a part of management. I maintained that while finishing up college, then finally moved on to a real office job. Now I find myself making decent money, but I don't feel it because I'm buried under debt. College debt, credit card debt, rent, the list goes on. New cars driving along the city streets tempts me to figure out a way to get one. My car's only 3 years old, but there are so many ways I can improve on it.

How do you fight the desire to just throw all caution to the wind and indulge in the cravings you desire? How do you become satisfied with living the same life day in and day out? I guess that's part of surviving your 20s. Lots of adults brag how their 30s are the best, and I think I figure it's because you've already gone through this crap, and you've learned from your mistakes and you make better choices. But, I still have 5 more years until I get to be in my 30s. I have 5 more years of learning, changing, and making my life better. So, here's to 5 more years!



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