Nothing better

There's nothing better than returning to work from your lunch break (on an extremely gloomy Friday) to a big box sitting on your desk from ProFlowers. Yup, J surprised me and sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers - both of my faves (white Gerbera Daises and Stargazers). It's gorgeous!

And, I did learn that it's not "gerber" daises, but there really is an "a" on the end. Bizarre.


One year

Last year, yesterday to be exact, was when my grandmother passed away. It was the second time in my life where I was actually in the room when it happened (or immediately after). It's such a weird thing to experience. I can still remember being in there, one of my aunt's arguing with another sibling as to what to do with their mom. Some were out in the hall - to overcome to go in. And the rest actually went to the cafeteria to get something to drink.

I remember what I did first. I found my dad, cuz he wasn't in there. I told him to come in. I went to the window to look outside over Burbank. It was cool outside, I had on a pink shirt and jeans. I literally rolled out of bed, put in my contacts, brushed my teeth and headed to the hospital at the call of my cousin.

J couldn't make it. He told me to call him later on. I did. He rushed there. I wonder what my family thought - having my boyfriend show up to console me. But I didn't care. He'd be in my life forever, and might as well be there for me when I needed him the most.

That week was filled with planning. I've never worked so hard on something that was so depressing. My cousins and I worked on our eulogy, who was going to say it. (It ended up being me, and I still to this day don't know how I managed to say the whole thing, only pausing once to catch myself.). After the burial we filed to my dad's house - so many relatives I hadn't seen, family friends I couldn't remember. It was, ironically enough, the perfect day for a funeral. Not hot, not cold, not a cloud in the sky. I almost wished, for a moment, there was a bit of rain. No good reason, but rain reminds me of my grandfather (her husband).

Now, a year later, all the children are back to the daily hustle and bustle. None went to her grave. My dad said he didn't for good reason. His parents raised him to remember the good times, and I suppose not to focus on the sad parts. It makes sense. I mean, I avoid the cemetary. In fact, when we went last year, it was the first time I'd been in over 10 years ~ for my grandfather's funeral. All of us were so much older this time around.

I think about all those who have passed. Right now, I only have 2 grandmother's left. One isn't technically mine, but she is. In fact, I think overall she's the closest thing to the stereotypical grandmother I have. The other one - well, she had a close call with death over 3 years ago. I guess you can say she recovered. Not mentally though. But I haven't seen her - haven't been allowed to see her in almost a year. No, actually, pretty much a year. It's amazing how time passes so quickly.


Slow down

Lately time has been flying by way too fast. I'm rushing through the days, weeks, now months. September. How did it get here so fast? What happened to time going slow like in elementary school? Guess that's over and done with. What now? Well, lots. Lately J and I have had lots to think about, lots to decide upon, and it's frightening. But J and I are at the threshold of some big changes.

Upon our recent trip to Colorado, we fell in love, again, with the place. Over winter we visited for a week and loved it, even all the snow. It was weird waking up to a blanket of white. Walking around, hearing the snow crunch under your feet, and have to snuggle all night long to stay warm. (ok, well, we also did it because we love each other). But this time was different. Instead of going up there with 8 other people, and mainly staying indoors, this time we ventured out. We got the bug to look at houses with our friends, C&J. They've been there for over a year now, and live in the mountains - it's far from denver, but it's gorgeous there. We all looked with high hopes, and empty accounts. But, after lots of searching (and almost risking missing our flight), we decided we need to make some changes.

Nothing's set for sure yet, but one thing is - the one thing almost every 20-something has on the brain - debt. Next 12 months will be sent, more so than ever, focusing on dwindling down. I started today. My grandmother's house finally sold, and my portion of the inheritance wiped out one card. Another card is done - due to the sell of my laptop. Just one more. While before we both worked on lowering everything, it was a lot harder to motivate ourselves because there was no end goal. I mean, there was - no debt. But then what? Nothing.

This time around, the end goal is hopefully moving, getting a house, and starting our lives. That is great motivation. Huge! I'm very excited for all of that. Stressed at the same time. I'm nervous for the classes I have coming up. I'm in just one now. In 3 weeks I'll have 2 more. I'm going to work on finishing the whole program by next fall. It's a huge undertaking, but I know I can do it. J's working on getting a 2nd job. It'll be rough with having little time to spend with each other, but I'm hoping things will work out where he'll be able to work while I'm in class, so we can still see each other sometimes. :o) It's hard. But I'd rather go through a year of hard work and stress, to have such a huge payoff for a much longer duration.

So for now, I'm taking a few moments here and there to keep myself sane. But it's pretty easy to get wrapped up in everything and have a meltdown. Once we first came home, the meltdowns were often. I think J was a bit shocked with how many tears can come out of one person in such a short time. But now, with planning, it's become a bit more manageable. I'm a planner, it's in my nature. I feel that there's more control, and I'm able to relax more once I know what's going on, in what time frame, and that's what I'm doing. For me and J. We each have our own separate agendas for the next coming months, but we're working together on getting to the same spot. So exciting!!


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