I can almost see the end...

I'm currently in the middle of my term paper for my first class. It's only been, oh, 3 years since I last wrote one. It's a bit hard trying to submerge yourself into the references, the APA writing style, and making sure you get all your points across, WITHOUT boring your audience. But I hit a wall. That's why I'm online. I just need to get back in the mindset to finish the damn thing. But, as soon as I'm done, I have about 15 other things to do. I started my other two classes this week for the 2nd half of the semester. They both will be quite a bit of work - both involve a research project...and did I mention the class is only 8 weeks long? It's like speed reading...

So, I guess I should stop procrastinating and finish that damn paper. The only thing I have to look forward to as my mini-reward is getting to work on my bridesmaids invitations - well, their little mini project to ask them. Wahoo!

Quite excited

Today feels like the first official day of fall. The air is crisp, I can wear my emus again, and a sweatshirt, and be comfortable. I'm excited to drink hot coffee again, and enjoy going to sleep at night without the AC on, and it's still a comfortable 70 degrees.

Last night I started my research class for my program. I did take this class previously for my undergrad work, so luckily I wasn't too nervous about it. But, it's technically only 5 classes long...5 weeks. And, in that time, we have to find our research topic, develop our survey questions, distribute, input, analyze, and write the report. Luckily the teacher is really laid back, smart, and most importantly, funny. Sitting through 4 hours of that a week can get pretty gruesome if your teacher doesn't have a sense of humor. I was telling J last night how he's from the same town as me, so he's familiar with the issues around here (which was great because he helped me figure out what to "research"). But, he's also had plenty of experience around the world - going about 4 times a year to other countries to help with their research, he's worked for aerospace companies, nuclear power plants, and his expertise is in Terrorism. How awesome is that? He gets paid to go all over the place! Of course, he said, it has his downfalls - he said his wife hates that he's gone so much, and he rarely gets time off. But, he can read a book a day, can play chess without even looking at the board, and likes to be called "Dave", not Dr. Ballard.

But, for now, between work emails, phone calls, and tasks, I'm just enjoying my cup of coffee, my emus, and my sweatshirt. lol.

Just a smidge overwhelmed

And when I say a smidge, I mean more like a lot. After a fun weekend driving all over CA, (well, up near the stockton area, then to Monterey, then finally, home), It was nice to sleep in my own bed again. Friday morning J & I headed up north to go to a college friend's wedding. It was so pretty, but had 300 HUNDRED people (well, probably more than that, but definately hit the 300 mark). I couldn't believe it! There was some funny parts, some teary parts, catching-up time and college reminiscing. On the way home (well, slight detour) we went to Monterey, grabbed some sandwiches from this delicious deli, and ate lunch on the beach. It was odd though...there was actually construction being done on the beach. Apparently they're building a sea wall to help stop eroding.

I also saw a seal there. And it was weird becuase it wasn't far out in the distance. It as pretty damn close. How close? Enough to scare the shit out of a surfer girl. The thing went right past her and she almost fell off the board. It was actually a little bit funny. But it was nice driving around the place I called home for 2 years. It's changed - a lot, but I still love going there. Hopefully one of these times J and I can go for longer than just a brief lunch. He keeps wanting to stay at this one hotel right on the water. Maybe next year! Right now we have way too much going on. Which brings me to why I'm so overwhelmed.

My first set of classes ends in 2 weeks, but unfortunately the 2nd set starts this week. So for the next two weeks, I'll be heading to school 3 times a week, having more homework, still have to finish my term paper (blech) and not go insane. J's working his 2nd job almost every night during the week, so now we only really hang out on the weekends...and we live together. It was nice the first week this happened - gave me time to catch up on my homework. But that wore off, and now it basically sucks. But, we're sacrificing now to work on the next year so we can enjoy our time after that.

I'm starting to work on my little arts & crafts project for my bridesmaids. No one knows who I picked, just my mom and J. Oh, and my maid-of-honor. She knows. But I'm having difficulties working on these projects since I have zero free time. I hope to get them done by the 20th, but that might be hard. But my dad is having a small dinner that night, and I'd like to have them finished up and sent out to everyone by then. Luckily I HAVE to turn in my term paper on the 17th, so I'm planning on working my ass off that Friday night and Saturday to get it done. I hope they turn out good!!!!

Over joyed

This weekend was the best weekend ever. And I do mean EVER. After almost 2 years being together, J proposed in the best way I could have wanted. I always wonder what he'd do when the time came. Would it be somewhere that was reminiscent of something from before? Would it be on a special trip? Special dinner? Would it be memorable? While it didn't happen in an over extravagant way, the way in which it would happen I'll never forget. He shocked me. Mostly because he kept it secret! He asked for permission and the blessing from my mom, dad, step-mom, sister and my aunt & uncle. He's been looking for awhile, he's made a few trips, and he said it was hard because he wanted to tell me so bad!!!

Being engaged is one of the best feelings. I keep finding myself staring at my ring (which J's sister told me to be careful with - she got engaged 2 months ago, and has almost been in a few car accidents...) but it's just so gorgeous, I can't help it. We went looking a few weeks ago (I did learn that the urge from his sister was planned all along) and I found the one that I wanted. And J did everything to get the one I wanted. So now let the planning begin. I'm so excited. I don't want to do any homework, just looking online, planning. But I do have to keep school in mind. We're winding down with the first section of classes. I only have 3 classes left, and at the last one my huge term paper. And so many things are going on, it's starting to get a little more difficult getting everything done! But J said he'd kick me if I don't do my work. But sometimes there's just many more fun things to do.

Nothing better

There's nothing better than returning to work from your lunch break (on an extremely gloomy Friday) to a big box sitting on your desk from ProFlowers. Yup, J surprised me and sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers - both of my faves (white Gerbera Daises and Stargazers). It's gorgeous!

And, I did learn that it's not "gerber" daises, but there really is an "a" on the end. Bizarre.

One year

Last year, yesterday to be exact, was when my grandmother passed away. It was the second time in my life where I was actually in the room when it happened (or immediately after). It's such a weird thing to experience. I can still remember being in there, one of my aunt's arguing with another sibling as to what to do with their mom. Some were out in the hall - to overcome to go in. And the rest actually went to the cafeteria to get something to drink.

I remember what I did first. I found my dad, cuz he wasn't in there. I told him to come in. I went to the window to look outside over Burbank. It was cool outside, I had on a pink shirt and jeans. I literally rolled out of bed, put in my contacts, brushed my teeth and headed to the hospital at the call of my cousin.

J couldn't make it. He told me to call him later on. I did. He rushed there. I wonder what my family thought - having my boyfriend show up to console me. But I didn't care. He'd be in my life forever, and might as well be there for me when I needed him the most.

That week was filled with planning. I've never worked so hard on something that was so depressing. My cousins and I worked on our eulogy, who was going to say it. (It ended up being me, and I still to this day don't know how I managed to say the whole thing, only pausing once to catch myself.). After the burial we filed to my dad's house - so many relatives I hadn't seen, family friends I couldn't remember. It was, ironically enough, the perfect day for a funeral. Not hot, not cold, not a cloud in the sky. I almost wished, for a moment, there was a bit of rain. No good reason, but rain reminds me of my grandfather (her husband).

Now, a year later, all the children are back to the daily hustle and bustle. None went to her grave. My dad said he didn't for good reason. His parents raised him to remember the good times, and I suppose not to focus on the sad parts. It makes sense. I mean, I avoid the cemetary. In fact, when we went last year, it was the first time I'd been in over 10 years ~ for my grandfather's funeral. All of us were so much older this time around.

I think about all those who have passed. Right now, I only have 2 grandmother's left. One isn't technically mine, but she is. In fact, I think overall she's the closest thing to the stereotypical grandmother I have. The other one - well, she had a close call with death over 3 years ago. I guess you can say she recovered. Not mentally though. But I haven't seen her - haven't been allowed to see her in almost a year. No, actually, pretty much a year. It's amazing how time passes so quickly.

Slow down

Lately time has been flying by way too fast. I'm rushing through the days, weeks, now months. September. How did it get here so fast? What happened to time going slow like in elementary school? Guess that's over and done with. What now? Well, lots. Lately J and I have had lots to think about, lots to decide upon, and it's frightening. But J and I are at the threshold of some big changes.

Upon our recent trip to Colorado, we fell in love, again, with the place. Over winter we visited for a week and loved it, even all the snow. It was weird waking up to a blanket of white. Walking around, hearing the snow crunch under your feet, and have to snuggle all night long to stay warm. (ok, well, we also did it because we love each other). But this time was different. Instead of going up there with 8 other people, and mainly staying indoors, this time we ventured out. We got the bug to look at houses with our friends, C&J. They've been there for over a year now, and live in the mountains - it's far from denver, but it's gorgeous there. We all looked with high hopes, and empty accounts. But, after lots of searching (and almost risking missing our flight), we decided we need to make some changes.

Nothing's set for sure yet, but one thing is - the one thing almost every 20-something has on the brain - debt. Next 12 months will be sent, more so than ever, focusing on dwindling down. I started today. My grandmother's house finally sold, and my portion of the inheritance wiped out one card. Another card is done - due to the sell of my laptop. Just one more. While before we both worked on lowering everything, it was a lot harder to motivate ourselves because there was no end goal. I mean, there was - no debt. But then what? Nothing.

This time around, the end goal is hopefully moving, getting a house, and starting our lives. That is great motivation. Huge! I'm very excited for all of that. Stressed at the same time. I'm nervous for the classes I have coming up. I'm in just one now. In 3 weeks I'll have 2 more. I'm going to work on finishing the whole program by next fall. It's a huge undertaking, but I know I can do it. J's working on getting a 2nd job. It'll be rough with having little time to spend with each other, but I'm hoping things will work out where he'll be able to work while I'm in class, so we can still see each other sometimes. :o) It's hard. But I'd rather go through a year of hard work and stress, to have such a huge payoff for a much longer duration.

So for now, I'm taking a few moments here and there to keep myself sane. But it's pretty easy to get wrapped up in everything and have a meltdown. Once we first came home, the meltdowns were often. I think J was a bit shocked with how many tears can come out of one person in such a short time. But now, with planning, it's become a bit more manageable. I'm a planner, it's in my nature. I feel that there's more control, and I'm able to relax more once I know what's going on, in what time frame, and that's what I'm doing. For me and J. We each have our own separate agendas for the next coming months, but we're working together on getting to the same spot. So exciting!!