One year

Last year, yesterday to be exact, was when my grandmother passed away. It was the second time in my life where I was actually in the room when it happened (or immediately after). It's such a weird thing to experience. I can still remember being in there, one of my aunt's arguing with another sibling as to what to do with their mom. Some were out in the hall - to overcome to go in. And the rest actually went to the cafeteria to get something to drink.

I remember what I did first. I found my dad, cuz he wasn't in there. I told him to come in. I went to the window to look outside over Burbank. It was cool outside, I had on a pink shirt and jeans. I literally rolled out of bed, put in my contacts, brushed my teeth and headed to the hospital at the call of my cousin.

J couldn't make it. He told me to call him later on. I did. He rushed there. I wonder what my family thought - having my boyfriend show up to console me. But I didn't care. He'd be in my life forever, and might as well be there for me when I needed him the most.

That week was filled with planning. I've never worked so hard on something that was so depressing. My cousins and I worked on our eulogy, who was going to say it. (It ended up being me, and I still to this day don't know how I managed to say the whole thing, only pausing once to catch myself.). After the burial we filed to my dad's house - so many relatives I hadn't seen, family friends I couldn't remember. It was, ironically enough, the perfect day for a funeral. Not hot, not cold, not a cloud in the sky. I almost wished, for a moment, there was a bit of rain. No good reason, but rain reminds me of my grandfather (her husband).

Now, a year later, all the children are back to the daily hustle and bustle. None went to her grave. My dad said he didn't for good reason. His parents raised him to remember the good times, and I suppose not to focus on the sad parts. It makes sense. I mean, I avoid the cemetary. In fact, when we went last year, it was the first time I'd been in over 10 years ~ for my grandfather's funeral. All of us were so much older this time around.

I think about all those who have passed. Right now, I only have 2 grandmother's left. One isn't technically mine, but she is. In fact, I think overall she's the closest thing to the stereotypical grandmother I have. The other one - well, she had a close call with death over 3 years ago. I guess you can say she recovered. Not mentally though. But I haven't seen her - haven't been allowed to see her in almost a year. No, actually, pretty much a year. It's amazing how time passes so quickly.



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